Well it's over. I am on the plane back from Florida and I am considering the lessons learned at Camp Chad. Certainly three weeks is a very long time to be anywhere away from home on travel. It's a long time to be a good guest, it's a long time to remove yourself from everyday life and routine. But in spite of the stresses and exhaustion of travel I love it. I have often thought that I am happy going anywhere at all if it means I can hit the open road and explore. I like new places, I like local color, I like to remove myself from the way I usually think and I think this experience at Camp Chad facilitated that.
Of course you know, if you have been following my blog, I went to Camp Chad as a fitness and health excursion and I was successful. I definitely got a chance to improve my yoga skills and move from what I probably would have termed as a beginning yoga skill-level to an intermediate level. (Not that a true yogi grades his or her skill level that way, and I am convinced that the best part of yoga for me will always be the process of learning to be comfortable with myself and at one with the universe—the mind/body/spirit connection.) I realized with a great deal of happiness that my cardiovascular health has much improved. I can spend almost an hour on the most difficult running elliptical, I can master a very fast-paced aerobic hip hop dance class that was not only a blast but made me feel like I could be far more confident in what my body could do. I ate healthy (for the most part even though I did sneak away occasionally for lattes—I'm human—but I managed to stop drinking coffee after the early afternoon.) Oh, and I dropped 13 pounds.
But more than the active and intentional health and fitness changes I made and successes I had, I enjoyed the benefits of my increasing health and fitness. As a tourist in the amazingly romantic and beautiful town of St. Augustine I walked for hours. I saw museums I loved, strolled through amazing resort areas and landmark hotels, I visited the Fountain of Youth with family and strolled the grounds with ease stopping for a kitschy and amazingly relaxing presentation of the night sky projected on the ceiling of a mini and pretend planetarium with narration and sound effects that reminded me of a black and white film I might have watched in elementary school. I tilted my head back in the pitch black theater and let the campy, touristy experience wash over me like cool Ginger ale. I loved it.
I strolled from the hotel across the street from the Lightner Museum with my daughter and over a latte we decided to make our way to the marina for an evening boat cruise of the harbor. I thought nothing of making the mile or two walk in the high humidity, I bounced up the stairs of the small craft to the observation deck to take pictures without measuring my steps or making sure I didn't rush. In short, I forgot to be so worried about my every move physically because with my improved health and fitness I get to experience life without all the careful planning. Yes I can walk there, no I don't need to be dropped at the door. Yes I feel fine—even wonderful, etc., etc.
Also, I have been in Florida a number of times in the last ten years and believe it or not I never got to the beach. I went once when my daughter was little but was very uncomfortable making the walk from the parking lot to the ocean. I remember the strain I felt and I didn't enjoy putting on a swimsuit and lying on the beach or playing in the surf. Prior to this new experience it had been years since I could jump up and down from the sand to a standing position without thinking it through. Now I just do it. I walk down the beach in my swimsuit knowing that I am healthier than I have been in a long time and I am unconcerned with public opinion. I feel like I belong there and therefore I do.
My experiences at the Florida beaches were nothing sort of miraculous. If you are a California native—especially a Southern California native like me—you understand the call of the ocean. It's a part of me and probably represents home more than any other place on earth. Certainly I feel very much at peace there now. Prior to this experience when every step was an undertaking, when I felt ultra self conscious, when I was overheated and unhappy through the whole experience it just wasn't fun. I didn't trust my level of health enough to swim freely, I felt at risk. Frankly, I needed to feel at risk. That was accurate based on some real things. I was fat and out of shape past the point where I could safely and happily enjoy myself there. Well, no more.
As I sit writing this in an airplane seat I have the laptop perched quite comfortably on the pull-down tray in front of me and I fit in the seat well enough not to feel like I am encroaching on the space of others, and I know. I like to fit in the world. It's an incredible feeling of comfort that I will never take for granted again.
I am almost 52 years old now. I promised myself I would be in the best shape of my life when I reached the age my older brother died. I know now that I will still be in process, but I do know that my process is a wonderful, wondrous exploration of self and I do know that what I have done to change my life in the last couple of years makes me realize I feel like I am 39 again—not almost 52. I also know that we all have the chance to do this. If I can make these changes anyone can. If I can improve my health and fitness level enough to be enjoying my life I truly believe that anyone who wants to can make changes. Those changes may not be perfect, they may not always meet your original or “best-case” expectations but they will make anyone who undertakes them feel happier, more comfortable and more alive. And that's what it's really about.
So if you are reading this and you are having a bad day or month or year or, heck, decade about how you are doing physically, I am here to remind you today to realize it's baby steps. Do one thing and build on it. Make a small change in your life and applaud the hell out of it. You deserve your own praise. You deserve your own self-love and your own personal recognition. No one can change you but you. No one knows what is truly best for you but you. If you listen to what you need, to what you tell yourself quietly when the noise dies down each day, you will hear your own voice. That is the voice to give your attention to. Your inner knowing.Your true guide is really you. You know what to do. I am behind you 100%. I am proud of you as I am proud of me. I had a good time at camp. Thanks for coming along.
Love--
Beauty.
