I am at my brother Chad's house in Florida. I am here because I am lucky enough to get to attend my nephew's first birthday. Today we spent the day in preparations. Sheila, his wonderful mom, baking a variety of different cakes to accommodate all the different dietary needs of friends--including the vegan kids--so no one would be without a cake to eat. I went from store to store picking up last minute items, buying out the stock of Fisher Price and basically having a blast. Tonight I had a chance to go to dinner with Raven who is probably my "step niece" but I make no distinction between step and niece. She is an amazing and beautiful young woman and it was a lot of fun to sit at dinner with her and my brother and watch how their relationship is evolving into a budding mutual friendship and a respect they have both actively worked at. Pretty amazing stuff for a man who up until his mid-40s never had a family.
So, now, because I am on Arizona time, I am awake while everyone else is asleep preparing for the big day. We have an unknown number of kids and parents arriving at one in the afternoon, a trampoline to assemble, a house to clean and decorate and some large number of dishes to prepare. It's going to be a very big deal tomorrow to get all this done.
I am thinking tonight of my own daughter, who is about to turn 20. I remember so distinctly her own first birthday and what a magical moment in my life that was--and how much I efforted to make sure it was all perfect. At the time I was a recently divorced mother and the preparations were all my own. I lived alone with my precious baby daughter and hosted a large gathering to commemorate the day. But up until everyone arrived, it was just we two. And even though between the two of us we generated enough love to light a small city, and I was doing what I needed to do to make the best and sanest life for my daughter possible, it was just less fun and loving not to have a great partner in the picture who could share in the joy with me. This is what I see when I look at my brother and his family. I see a family who loves each other and I see a man who realizes he is happy in the moment.
I think that it is incredibly rare for someone to realize they are happy and feel the gratitude of their circumstances in the moment. So many people live life with their family everyday and don't take that moment to acknowledge the gift of their family. The blessing of having found the right person to love, and the amazing fact of making a child through that love. It really shocks the senses to see it in action when someone is consciously aware of it--right as it happens.
Maybe it's that my brother waited a long time to have a child. His life experience and maturity might have some bearing on his awareness. I am sure it is partially that, but it's also that my brother, even while he lives his life in sort of one big happy, light-hearted joke that only he knows the punchline to, is really, beneath the humor, truly one of the best, most trustworthy, courageous and honorable people I have ever known.
As I am sitting here tonight while the household sleeps (there is some special peace about a house with a sleeping baby in it), I am taking it all in. Above me on the wall hangs a letter that Chad wrote to his family; his wife, his stepdaughter and his one-year old son. It is truly one of the most lovely, most loving, eloquent expressions of love that I have ever seen come from the heart of a man. I am extremely proud that the author of this loving tribute to his own family is my brother. He is taking the moments of his life and holding them to the light, second by second like pieces of crystal--watching with awe and amazement as that bright white light pours through him and around him. A man who recognizes his blessings as they are bestowed upon him has captured the elusive butterfly of happiness. It rests on his finger and he watches. He is a lucky man.
But more so, I would say, the lucky one is baby Carlos. Tomorrow he turns one year old in a family who love each other and know it and share it and are grateful for it in the moment. That is Carlos' biggest and most glorious birthday present. This is the real deal. The ultimate gift that won't come in a big bright box, but is more real than anything he will receive. And with this sort of family around him to nurture him he has every chance of growing to up to be a happy man.
Carlos, I love being your aunt.
Love--
Aunt Teeny
