The Healthy Soul

Once, many years ago, my daughter who was attempting the amazing feat of not only trying to live through junior high school, but also trying to do it with a high frequency hearing loss, was talking to me about some kids in her class. These kids were treating her with a Saccharine-tinged form of rude-kid faux courtesy—candy-coated on the outside and, on the very transparent inside, just meanness. Meanness masquerading.

We all know those people. People who take your life challenges or even your wins and through their own baggage or simply their own mean spirits trash you while pretending to give you your props. It’s a disgusting display of manipulative passive aggression, and I have always loathed it. Give me a plain old rude person any day of the week over a sickeningly-sweet snake.

When my daughter encountered these girls (boys can obviously act this way too, but girls own the stock), they were in the habit of greeting her with exaggerated smiles and too-loud greetings making her feel like she was the mentally challenged character in an over-acted, poorly written play. I have always thought this sort of hidden contempt was the greatest form of cowardice. To counteract these mini-terrorists I gave her a few one-liners. And while she never ended up confronting these girls who, like dogs on a street, were eventually distracted by a car going by, or another cat, or a bug—it helped her to cope to have a retort at the ready.

I said, when they say, “HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! HOW ARE YOU TODAY!!!!!!?????” (Icky smiles, hair flipping, facial contortions as they over-enunciated), she should look at them coolly and say, “You can treat me like I’m normal, but thanks for saying hi.” This simple response was a way of letting them know that:

1. She got it.
2. She thought they sucked.
3. She wasn’t playing.

Lately in my own health and weight loss quest I have been reminded of this story about my daughter because I have encountered my share of these mean junior high school girls morphed into “adults.” And while my quest and my blog are most often met with sincerely positive and uplifting good wishes from fine people, the occasional small souls are still around doing the equivalent of what my daughter encountered albeit in more insidious grown-up fashion—good wishes that are not-so-subtly patronizing, prejudices laced with smiles, loathsome behavior wrapped with ribbon.

This doesn’t mean that people should stop applauding one another at the risk of appearing patronizing. It’s just that covert meanness and passive aggression are acts of hostility and people who do it should be aware that their behavior is doubly disgusting because of the pretense—and that no one is fooled.

I continually thank God that I was raised by a woman who didn’t manipulate, who wasn’t a game player, and who spoke her mind without fearing being told she was too (fill in the blank—loud, assertive, not sweet enough, rough, pushy, etc.) I am glad that I am smart enough to understand and be aware of covert behavior and passive aggression and that I have never engaged in it. I relish the personal freedom I have because I have I learned to speak my truth and to not be mean. These are qualities I value far more in the world than even my health and fitness. I believe they are signs of a fit soul—and I am grateful for them every day.

Because, after all, you can work out constantly, you can reach your goal weight, you can be in perfect physical health, but if your soul isn’t healthy, if your light isn’t one of kindness and compassion, then at the end of the day, you have nothing but an empty package. And if you have filled this package with passive aggression and meanness and smallness, then what?

Bodies are important—but they are, and will always be, just the vehicles. A healthy soul comes first—and will always be the most valuable thing that anyone can possess.